The Different Breeds of IT Personnel

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Think about your workplace for a minute. Everything is probably in its respected place. The plants and flowers in the lobby look colorful and healthy. The halls are clean and clutter free. The windows are immaculate and bring in a wealth of light. Then you turn the corner and notice one hall that looks very… dark, and dank. The lights are off not only in that specific hallway, but in every office that occupies it. It looks very lonesome, and you get this odd smell of fried electronics, strong coffee and vending machine food.

What is this place, you ask? This is the hall where the Information Technology people reside.

Call them what you desire, but there isn’t just one type of IT person. You have your many different… breeds, I guess. First, you have the know-it-all. This is the tech who will usually be the first to put in their two cents and rule out every other issue but their own, because their idea is the right one. It’s hard to understand the person because you’re trying to dodge all the computer lingo and acronyms coming out of their mouth.

Then you have the tech that, quite opposite, looks like he is dodging every word that is coming out of your mouth. The “yeah, uh-huh” guy. After you have finished explaining to him your problem, he will give you his planned speech of, “Alright, I’ll take a look at it to see what the issue is and let you know”. Really, this either means he has no idea what the issue is and has to look it up while you’re away, or he will get to it whenever he feels like it. You will hear back from him in a week or two.

Which brings me to the next tech: the Googler. I think a lot of IT techs resort to Googling their issues at first because 90% of the time someone has posted this same issue and the solution on the internet. This one though will Google everything. Because 1) he can, 2) he’s lazy and doesn’t want to take the effort, or 3) he’s clueless.

Then you have the tech with the broken English. You will usually call this guy from somewhere in your home or office, and end up finding him at some remote location in India or Pakistan. This guy is the opposite of ‘yeah, uh-huh’ guy because now YOU are like “yeah, uh-huh” and have no clue what this guy is telling you!! If you call this person because your keyboard isn’t working, he will first ask you if your computer is plugged in properly to the power cable. You will eventually get frustrated, hang up, and start drinking early that day. No, I’m not racist. I’m just right.

Then you have The Rook. This is the tech that will talk the talk, but will walk the walk at a much faster pace every time they see you in the office because they are too scared to touch anything broken that you might have and risk breaking it even more. He may or may not be the new guy. You might hear him squeaking in the corner talking about the latest and greatest game on the market or some Xbox Live party he plans on going to later in the day.

Finally, you have the tech who takes their job way too seriously. His office is usually in the back, and overly cluttered with all sorts of cables, keyboards, and mice (perhaps 3-4 monitors as well). He usually makes a dramatic scene about the little issues, and will not let you plug in the mouse you brought from home because it might have a virus on it or cause havoc and interference to the server room in the adjoining room. Everything is kind of a big deal to him and to no one else.

From my experience in the corporate world, this is what you may come across. Yes, I am also a tech, and it would seem that I am also talking about myself here. I will not say which “breed” I think I fall under because I don’t think any would define me completely. And I have tried to do my best to not be one of these types. Although the wife insists I am the serious one with a cluttered office. I like to salvage broken electronics for their useful working parts! This is smart!

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