Top Notch Corporate IT Department or Aliens – Which One Do You Believe In?

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So, you are busy typing up something important. Whether it be expense reports for your boss. Or some marketing material for an approaching sales show. Or maybe even TPA reports that Lumbergh has been hounding you about. Whatever it may be, it has a deadline and it is coming up fast. Without any warning or mercy on you whatsoever, your computer decides to have an issue preventing you from completing the work that you so dearly need to be completed! And so, dun, dun, duunn… – you have to make the dreaded call to your corporate IT department.

Those who have worked for a bigger company know the struggles of having to deal with their corporate IT department. Experiences may vary between company, but overall I think people come to the same general overview, which usually falls somewhere between IT being slow and worthless, and IT being a bunch of dumb idiots. I will not speak about those in Information Technology as a whole because there are some IT departments who excel at keeping the company running smooth technologically as well as keeping the employers happy. But then you have the others…

Say your issue is somewhat of a pressing matter and you decide to skip a few steps and approach them directly (if you are lucky enough to have an in-house IT department). Not so fast! Head honcho in IT body checks you and asks if you followed IT protocol and submitted an IT ticket to help desk. If not, then please submit and wait in the ever-growing queue for up to a week (possibly more).

What if you’re a little tech-savvy and know how to fix your issue? – oh, you can’t. Why? Because you are not blessed with an obnoxiously long and sometimes acronym filled job title like CMA+ Configuration Legacy Specialist, and most likely don’t have privilege to access the information needed to fix your issue anyway. And most of the time these are simple fixes that only waste the time of the IT personnel. Documents not printing? If it isn’t the printer then try stopping the print spooler service and starting it again. Your issue is most likely fixed and it took all but 30 seconds.

To paint a proper picture of how frustrating these jamokes can be sometimes, I will give a couple examples. Both of them involving my lovely wife and her IT department.

First off, let me first say that I think the people in her IT department are extremely lazy. They may be a little stupid too, but I can’t back that part up just yet. My wife originally had a work computer which would throw up a blue screen every time at boot up. After contacting IT they told her to send it to them by mail at the corporate office for a replacement. Delivery takes a week. When she received the replacement PC, she was unable to connect it to her monitor because they had sent her a male 15-pin serial connector instead of the usual female connector that would fit in to the male slot of the monitor. After discovering this she again called IT saying she had two male connectors and she needed the female connector. At first they thought she had no idea of computers or what ‘male’ or ‘female’ connectors are and pushed her issue to the side.

After not receiving any help, she had to take pictures of what she had and what she needed and then sent it to them. Basically, she had to do the work for them because they didn’t care, were rude, and/or lazy. They eventually sent a new cable which arrived a week later. This replacement computer turned out to be the real beez neez though.

It takes 22 minutes to boot up. Twenty-two minutes, people! Half way through booting it tries to install Windows updates, then fails, attempts to revert the changes, restarts again (which takes 10 minutes from boot to login screen without Windows update stalls).

It takes me about 25 minutes to drive her to work. And as I’m just about home from dropping her off – she is still logging in. This isn’t the most ridiculous part though. She has to leave for work at least 22 minutes ahead of time, just so her POS computer can take the unnecessary 22 minutes before allowing her to log in ON TIME at 8:00 AM. She has notified these IT wizards about her current situation, which has been a daily thing for over a year now (!!) And their response: “That is normal.” I take back what I said earlier. Her IT department consists of a bunch of morons. All they have to do is uninstall the previous updates from Windows so it stops installing and reverting at boot up, and then add another 1GB stick of RAM so it at least meets the MINIMUM system requirements of Windows 7 because I think the lackeys even failed to give her that. I really wish I could fix it myself to save her the time and inconvenience.  Unfortunately, she has to wait for her irresponsible tech wizards to do the job.

Again, some IT departments are amazing so you can’t complain about all of them. But then you have those mentioned above. Who do you blame though when you have to go through hell just to have something simple fixed? Do you blame the individual IT person who is helping you? Probably at the moment because you are frustrated and have deadlines. Or do you blame the person in charge of IT? Maybe they failed at giving proper training. Maybe they need implement a better system. Or maybe they just need to hire some better wizards.

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